i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
