awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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