Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
