And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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