Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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