2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
