so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
