so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
