Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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