4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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