I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
