the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
