Small penises have feelings too.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
