Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
