i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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