I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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