It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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