you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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