So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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