I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
