You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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