I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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