Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
