Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
