you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
