I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
