I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
