What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
