Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
