pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
