You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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