he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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