Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she smelled like a LAN party
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
