New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
