The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
