imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just found puke in my bra..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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