Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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