note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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