If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
