I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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