I'm really into asian looking animals
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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