they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
