She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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