See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
