So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
