great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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