I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
