I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
