Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
