i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
