____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
