He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
