u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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