OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize