They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
