remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She bit a glass in half.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
