in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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