I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
