the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being pregnant is like rehab
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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