this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
