is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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