According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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