she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
