I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
